Collaborative Divorce Attorney in Green Bay

Collaborative and Low Conflict Divorce

In Wisconsin and throughout the U.S. alternative forms of divorce involving lower conflict and a more collaborative approach are gaining popularity. The highly-contested divorce that ends up in court is expensive in money, time and emotional turmoil. While there are situations where the force of litigation in family court is needed, it should only be used when absolutely necessary.

The Assumption of Cooperation - Collaborative Divorce

You may have seen the term “Collaborative Divorce” when gathering information. This is sort of a misleading term. In a traditional divorce where each spouse hires their own attorney, there is always the assumption of a collaborative approach. This means that you do not start in court, you start by having your spouse’s lawyer and your lawyer build a basic framework of the things you CAN agree on.

When Courts Get Involved - Family Law Litigation

If, after a good-faith effort by both parties an issue can not be resolved, the court will hold a hearing to make a determination. When divorces go to court they are drawn out, expensive and can give the spouses significantly less control over the outcome. There are situations where one spouse is simply unwilling to be reasonable and negotiate an outcome in good faith. This is when we rely on the strength and authority of the court. Mediation and How It’s Different A quick review: collaborative divorce is the method that courts assume you will use, and when an agreement can not be reached about material issues in the divorce, the courts get involved. Mediation is different because the divorcing spouses choose to work with only one lawyer to prepare the divorce agreement. The lawyer does not advocate for either spouse, instead the lawyer is neutral and there to provide guidance and a framework.

Common Questions About Mediation

Is Mediation a Good Way To Protect My Financial Interests?

Child support, spousal maintenance and asset division are all issues that will be worked on in the mediation. The actual outcome is very rarely any different that it would have been with litigation. Whether you are the spouse who anticipates needing to secure finances, or the spouse who is hoping to limit what they pay out, mediation will provide the same outcome that traditional litigation would allow.

Will Mediation Be Better For My Kids?

Assuming that you and your spouse have your children’s best interest as your priority, mediation will very likely provide the best outcome for your children. The same time-sharing principles are at play, but mediation allows for better problem resolution when adjustments need to be made around special dates or holidays.

How Do I Know If Mediation Will Work For Me?

With the exception of a very difficult or absent spouse, mediation is a good solution for most couples. While conflict often leads people to divorce, once you have decided that you are getting a divorce conflict will not serve you well. It will make your divorce more expensive, time-consuming and give you less control over the outcome. If it’s possible for your situation, mediation is a good solution.

What If Mediation Will NOT Work For Me?

Divorce is a process that leads to an outcome. By talking to an experienced lawyer, you can determine what type of process will lead you to your ideal outcome. It may not be totally clear, but working with an attorney who has seen both high and low conflict divorces work through the system can be a great source of insight. It’s very similar to the ancient wisdom found in many versions and contexts throughout history:

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens:

A time to be born and a time to die

A time to plant and a time to uproot

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a

time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

Call for a consultation so we can figure out what is the right approach for your first step. I am happy to listen, explain how Wisconsin family law applies to your situation, and offer you guidance on how to take the first step.

Seven Keys to a Successful Mediation

In a recent Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article Wisconsin Mediation Lawyer Susan Hansen laid out seven tips for people heading into a mediation:

1. Be prepared. “Thorough financial gathering is essential to any effective negotiation process. In mediation, this means exchanging background and financial documentation before negotiations begin. Sharing and understanding the complete financial and legal picture is critical to a successful resolution,” Hansen said.
2. Listen as well as speak. “Listening requires more than the absence of talking. Paying genuine attention and asking open questions is helpful for both parties to move forward and understand one another’s perspectives and goals.”
3. Consider interests and goals for yourself and the other side. “Look at the big picture and where you want to be in the future, not just at the end of the case. This helps foster creativity and long-term satisfaction, rather than item-by-item demands and positions on individual issues.”
4. Be honest. “This supports open exchange about goals and interests rather than the positional gamesmanship of high-low bargaining, manipulating power or knowledge imbalances, or withholding relevant information.”
5. Manage expectations and emotions. “Starting with an unrealistic wish list, demands or a line in the sand can derail mediation. Be open to alternative and creative options rather than preconceived notions of what the outcome must be.”
6. Focus on the future. “Belaboring the past or fault-finding is not productive. The mediator is not there to take sides, but rather assist as a neutral professional with a goal of helping both parties make informed and voluntary decisions to reach a final agreement and avoid returns to court moving forward.”
7. Take responsibility. “In mediation, each party must actively participate by doing homework, learning information, helping generate ideas and options, and making decisions. Each party must engage, listen and fully participate.”